Misunderstandings
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So also the tongue is a small
member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such
a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue
is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire
course of life, and set on fire by hell. (James 3:5-6)
The tongue sets on fire the entire course of life.
Wow. Making ourselves understood whether it be through speaking in person, over
the phone, texting, messaging, face time, or letters is always an opportunity for
misunderstanding. Our ability to speak clearly and to understand each other is affected
by our backgrounds, our moods, and the situation or the subject.
When we are stressed or tired, we may speak with a
tone that sounds judgmental, when we are trying our best to be encouraging. Some
words that we use as a joke can trigger bad memories in others and cause anger
where only laughter was intended. We may be misunderstood so often that we never
want to express an opinion again but hiding in our rooms is not an option.
When no one understands our innocent intent, kindness,
or jokes time and again, our self-esteem can be affected. We may stop trying to
contribute to any conversation for fear of offending someone and questioning
our worth to the kingdom can follow.
Let your reasonableness be known to
everyone. The Lord is at hand; (Philippians 4:5)
We do not try to be unclear or unreasonable when
speaking or listening. The intent of our conversations is to share information,
encouragement, impart knowledge, or make requests, but not to be knowingly
unreasonable. We may even pride ourselves in our reasonableness when speaking
and feel that we are great listeners too, which makes being misunderstood even
more frustrating.
Our tone of voice can affect communication as well,
especially over the phone as we are unable to see a person’s facial
expressions. Voices have a variety of sounds that can be recognized on the phone
and are affected by how we are holding our faces. We know when someone is
smiling, but not smiling doesn’t mean they are unhappy or that their statements
are serious in intent. Some people just don’t smile while on the phone but are
perfectly happy. If we are unsure of a speaker’s intent, we should try to
clarify. If we are the speaker, we should be careful of our tone.
By this all people will know that
you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35)
Combating misunderstandings is war against evil. Whatever
side of the conversation we are on, it will always be a battle of our minds and
our hearts, our pasts and our moods, and our daily lives and struggles. We must
fight to stop the powers of darkness from using this to cause division among believers.
Even worse is when the devil causes unbelievers to misunderstand the good news
when it is presented.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in
the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and
first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as
yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”
(Matthew 22:36-40)
How can we avoid
being misunderstood? How can we control our tongues and stop them from starting
a huge fire and changing the course of life? Our tongues are
attached to our minds and hearts. We must think before we speak and speak from
our hearts. Speaking only out of love, keeping our tone kind and speaking softly
with a smile if appropriate, will show our desire to truly understand one another.
Some have commented
on this subject that they only speak one way, take it or leave it, but God
wants us to grow in Him and in our ability to show His grace to others. We may
have to work on changing our communication style depending on each situation
and it is not an easy task. Being a talented communicator is a gift many of us
don’t have but should asked for from the Holy Spirit.
As the
hearer, striving to understand what another is saying and giving them the
benefit of the doubt when we are uncertain of their intent, is just as
difficult. They don’t want to be misunderstood either. This is another task we
must undertake, to listen more slowly, without jumping to conclusions. Control
not only the tongue but also the ear, the brain and the heart
.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall
see God. (Matthew 5:8)
Prayer: Father, we have all been misunderstood
and we have all misunderstood other people. We ask you to forgive us and help
us to understand what others are saying and why they are speaking as they are.
Help us to speak more clearly, in kindness and love, making ourselves
understood. Don’t let our frustration at being misunderstood stop us from
speaking truth with love about You. Holy
Spirit give us the gift of communication. Amen
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